It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
