yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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