OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
