Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
