I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
