she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize