Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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