That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
