jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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