Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
