I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
