and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
