So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you made out with another girl for some wings
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
