Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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