Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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