Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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