k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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