Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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