I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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