The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
