I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
