I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
