wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
