where am i from again
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
