3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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