I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
