Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize