Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
