Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
