So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
