see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize