I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
