Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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