my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
