I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wear drunk well.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
