I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
