I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
