I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
