my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
