If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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