WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
