in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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