My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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