Do you still have your period?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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