I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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