thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
