it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
