I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize