so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well you can't waste a boner
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize