Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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