By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
