i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize