i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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