Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
