i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
