Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
