I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
