So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
