I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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