i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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