Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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