i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bring me that man meat
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
