You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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