"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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