Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
