If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
a search helicopter?!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I believe in your delicious
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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