Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
