I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
