if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
