my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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