I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
