just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize