im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
