Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
