come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
