Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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