phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sex in a hospital.. check
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
